


Bring You to a Simmer

by candlejill



Series: Feed My Frankenstein [4]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alexandria Safe-Zone, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Carl Grimes, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, First Kiss, M/M, Rimming, Top Negan (Walking Dead), Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-10 18:43:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8928712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candlejill/pseuds/candlejill
Summary: Negan takes Carl back to the Sanctuary.Second chapter - now with smut!





	1. Chapter 1

Carl had been at the Sanctuary for a few days and all he was confident of was that Negan was screwing with him. Negan gave him free range of the entire compound just short of taking multiple weapons or allowing him to leave. Anyone who saw him knew he was to be left alone and given what he wanted. Negan gave him a room of his own and made his lieutenants give him a tour of the shooting range. He left it up to Carl to work on his aim and never bothered to see if he was actually practicing.

Though he wouldn’t admit it, Carl was frustrated to find himself disappointed at the lack of attention from Negan. The last time he’d been there Negan hadn’t taken his eyes off of him. He was personally guided around the Sanctuary. He was important enough to not leave Negan's sight. Carl wasn’t prepared for such a drastic change in Negan’s behavior especially because he was anticipating the opposite.

After Carl’s attempt to get his gun back in Alexandria, he was positive there would be a retaliation. But if Negan looked at him at all it was barely a glance his way. Carl watched each day the cuts he had made on Negan’s face began to fade and heal. It irritated him to find evidence of his presence leaving slowly. The bruises on his own neck, a quick reminder of the bathroom, began to lighten and soon it was like it had never happened. It made Carl feel uneasy. It was a completely different game than what he was predicting and he didn’t like not knowing what to expect.

He received his gun the first time he was shown the firing range. The familiar weight felt good in his hands. He was always on guard, never knowing if Negan would finally pick a moment to pay him back. But each day, to his surprise, it never came. And with each passing day at the range his aim improved significantly. Soon he found himself missing the target intentionally in case Negan heard he was back on track and would send him home.

Carl knew that being there was the perfect opportunity to find as much information as he could about Negan’s compound. He took mental notes for potential weaknesses and drilled the layout into his memory. Carl also knew, however, that Negan knew he was doing it. Negan wouldn’t give him so much freedom without assuming that Carl would tell everyone back in Alexandria. So Carl constantly second guessed what was Negan's arrogance and what was a trap.

One day he decided to stay in the room he was given all day. Just to see if anyone noticed. No one was sent to fetch him. No one cared if he had gotten food. He was left entirely alone. Carl was hoping it might have been enough to pique Negan’s interest and he’d come visit.

He didn’t.

At night, Carl ignored the memories that crept into the corners of his mind. He had flashes of Negan’s lips on his neck and hand on his dick, but Carl forced himself to think of anything else. He thought about Glenn. He thought about Abraham. And soon he was newly fueled to take Negan down.

It lead to Carl finally deciding to confront him. If Negan wasn’t going to act then Carl was more than willing to get it over with. His shoulders were tense as he made his way to Negan’s room. He didn’t even know if he was there but he was sure as hell going to find out.

As he stood outside the room he saw a faint glow coming from under the door. His hand hovered over the door knob. He took a deep breath and opened the door. As he stepped in he turned his head to find Negan laying on his bed, staring at him, as if he was expecting him.

“About _god_ damned time,” Negan smiled wide and sincerely as he slid of the bed. He was dressed in jeans and white shirt as he sauntered over to Carl.

Carl quickly shut the door and took a deep breath. By the time he turned Negan was already in front of him lifting his hand above Carl, leaning on the door and crowding into Carl's space.

Holding his back against the door, Carl looked up at Negan expectantly. “Get it over with already,” Carl said, annoyed.

Biting his lip, Negan tilted his head to examine Carl's face. His eyes held tight to him before studying Carl's lips then back to his eye. “What the hell are you talking about?” He asked amused.

“Get me back,” Carl said impatiently, “For the cuts.”

Negan huffed a quiet laugh, “I told you. We’re _done_.”

Furrowing his brow, Carl asked, “Done? What do you mean, _‘done?’_ ”

“You got your gun back. You got your antibiotics. What the hell else do you want?”

Confused, Carl questioned, “You’re not going to- For the cuts?” 

Negan smirked, removing his hand from over Carl’s head, he stood back slightly. “Nope,” he replied smiling.

“Then why the hell did you bring me here?”

“Your aim was fuckin’ shit. I _told_ you that. Rumor has it you know what the fuck you’re doing now. Way _I_ hear it, you’re _stalling._ So now, I gotta ask, why the hell would you be stalling exactly?”

Goosebumps ran up his arms as Negan leaned in close. Carl narrowed his eye, refusing to answer. He wanted to ask why Negan was ignoring him but he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing it bothered him. He continued to stare as Negan readjusted, leaning in close, resting his forearm on the door above Carl’s head.

Warm puffs of air slipped over his face. Carl closed his eye and listened to their jagged breaths, uneasy between each other. Negan lifted his free hand and used the pad of his thumb to brush over Carl’s bottom lip. Carl shivered as the gentle touch made his heart race and blood run straight to his dick.  
  
Shaking his hair from his eye, Carl said confidently, “Ammunition.”

“You know where the fuck to find it,” Negan said softly.

“To take back to Alexandria.”

“One box.”

Carl thought for a moment. Looking up to Negan he replied softly, “Okay. You gonna... make me blow you once per round? Or are we-”

“Just fuckin’ take it, kid,” Negan replied exasperated and soft. His hand, however, moved gently from Carl’s lip to trace up his jaw. Negan's rough hand caressed from his jaw to his neck, massaging tenderly.

Shivering and breathless he looked at Negan for sincerity in his eyes. “What?” Carl asked.

“No. _Deals._ ” Negan tilted his head, searching into Carl’s eye. “What _else_ do you need? Bandages? Cans of food? Fuckin’ skin mags? Want some pornos? God knows we have a hoard of them. See somethin' you like, just  _go_ fuckin’ _take_ what you _want_. No one is stoppin’ you.”

“Yeah, but-” Carl stopped as Negan lifted his hand from his neck and slipped his fingers through Carl's hair.

He closed his eye and focused on the new sensation. His head tingled, sending waves trickling through his limbs. His cock twitched hard, held tight and restricted in his jeans. This was something new. This was _all_ new. Negan was never kind or _gentle_ with him. He’d seen him play this way with his wives but he still stayed on guard. Waiting for Negan to tug his hair to the side. But it never came. Finally he gathered the courage to hold his eye contact, Carl clenched his jaw stubbornly. Refusing to turn away from him. Negan was so close and Carl knew he should be pushing him away but he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. This was just another way for Negan to control him.

“Things aren’t _free_ with you,” he said slowly. “There’s _always_ a catch.”

Negan bit his lip as his eyes roamed again over Carl’s face. The complete lust he displayed, hiding nothing in those eyes, made Carl tremble with anticipation. He felt Negan’s hand in his hair, nails scratching gently at his scalp before he reached to the back of Carl's head. Negan pulled him forward, slowly but with intention. He met Carl’s lips with his own.

Startled, Carl held his mouth open at the gesture as Negan took the opportunity to dart his tongue in, quick and soft. So gentle that Carl thought he imagined it. Until Negan did it again, slowly bringing his tongue to meet Carl’s. Carl felt limp against the door and curiously pushed his own tongue against Negan’s. Heart pounding, thumping through his skull, he inhaled in surprise. He was so hard it hurt. He felt wild and careless and wanted desperately to allow himself to do anything to make that pain go away.

Negan bit playfully at his bottom lip which brought Carl immediately back to reality.

Opening his eye, with an impulsive instinct he gave a hard shove, pushing frantically against Negan’s chest and away from him as far as he could, “What the _fuck_ , Negan?!”

Negan smirked with a predatory grin. Now a safe distance away, he wiped his thumb along his bottom lip where Carl’s had been just a moment ago.

“What the hell was _that?_ ”

Grinning, Negan replied, “ _That_ was pretty damn hot, _right?_ ”

“It was _disgusting!_ ” Carl wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Hate to break the news to you, kid, but you’ve had my prick in your mouth. _Several_ times.”

“Yeah but that-” Carl shook his head, “That was because-” he paused before saying, “It was different!”

“ _Payment?_ ” Negan took a step backward. "Suddenly you seein' a fuckin' difference here?" he asked sarcastically.

Carl tried not to watch his hips as he walked back to lean against the post of his bed.

“Is _that_ what you want now? For the ammunition? For- for-” he shrugged, “Is that the new _payment?_ ”

“Nope. Told you kid, you hit the jackpot! All that shit? _Free_ now. My people know what you can take and what you can’t.” Negan narrowed his eyes dangerously at him, “I have had enough of your bullshit. I _told_ you, back before the fucking roamer you set loose on me, I’m _not_ fuckin’ you for shit you _think_ you need. You can take whatever the hell you want, whatever the fuck you can _carry_ , but I’m done with this little game.”

Furrowing his brow in confusion Carl asked, “Why?”

“We already went over this but let me drill it back through that goddamn skull of yours. You _like_ it. You fuckin’ _love_ my dick inside you,” Negan to a step closer to him.  He whispered softly, “You love how it feels when you’re riding my cock and feeling it slip down your throat.”

Carl’s face flushed and he looked away in embarrassment.

“Yeah, you do," Negan smiled. "You _want_ my prick so damn bad? You got it, man. Any _fuckin’_ time you want, Carl. To be nice, I’ll even keep it a damn secret from Rick. Hell, even from  _my_ own people, though they might be a tad suspicious because  _somebody_ told me recently that they already know I’m 'whipped by the jailbait',” he scoffed. “But what I _will_ _not_ do is get you off again. Not until you can admit it.” Negan narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms, “I call you ‘kid’ just to bust your balls, but you are _not_ a fuckin’ kid. I only _know_ a fraction of the things you’ve done, but I at least know that.” He tilted his head, before continuing, “And it’s _fucked..._ _up._ I get it. I _killed_ your friends. Your dad killed a _shitton_ of my people. We got ourselves a real Romeo and Juliet situation here. But you need to make a decision about this. I’ve seen that look in your eye and I’m _not_ talking about that ragin’ hard on you have for me. I’m talkin’ about the _look_ of how fuckin’ much you _want_ to hurt people, and Carl, it’s hot as hell because you _get_ it. You _know_ what I’m doing here. This whole fuckin’ show is necessary to rebuild any sort of fuckin’ _society_. I might put on a show out there but there _are_ rules to follow or else it’s chaos. And I’ll admit, yeah, it’s goddamn great being the one in charge of what the rules are. But for _you_ ,” Negan stood straight up and pointed at Carl taking a step forward, “It’s time to grow up. I’m done doin’ this shit with you. Just make up your goddamn mind one way or the other.”

“What, so you want me to be one of your wives?” Carl scoffed

“ _Hell_ no,” Negan chuckled. “You serious, kid? I’m not _ready_ for that kind of _commitment_ , I mean, _shit_. We hardly know each other,” he teased.

“What the hell do you want? So, you want me to tell you I like it? Like having sex with you? Yeah, jackass, sex feels good! What an earth shattering revelation. It’s such a relief to finally admit it!” Carl replied sarcastically.

Laughing, Negan took slow swaggering steps to Carl. He took his time, eyeing him dangerously. Stopping in front of him he leaned back slightly, narrowing his eyes, searching for any weakness. 

Carl’s blood was boiling with rage. Even if he _liked_ sex with Negan, it was _only_ sex. Negan was trying to control one more aspect of his life but he wasn’t going to cave. It was the _one_ area he knew with certainty that Negan would not push back with lethal force. And Carl was intent on keeping that control. He didn’t _need_ Negan. When it started, he knew their arrangement would end eventually and he learned as much as he could. He felt confident about the intel he collected so at least he had something to show for it.

“Carl, how do you want to play this?” He once again put his hand over Carl’s head, leaning against the door. “Shit, all _I_ want is to throw you on that bed and lick every inch of you. So many things I can _teach_ you and I am so fuckin' ready. Anything you want and I’m game. Any _fuckin’_ thing. _Goddamn_ , let’s even get some of my girls in on it, they won’t mind. Hell, I think a few of them are looking to ride your cock anyway, the way they look at you. I’m not the only one who thinks that eye is badass.”

Carl closed his eye and listened to Negan’s voice grow quiet as his face closed in next to his. The stubble on his cheek scratched gently against his, tempting him to turn into Negan and tell him whatever he wanted to hear.

“I don’t exactly want to take an iron to the face,” Carl said slowly as he shivered at Negan’s nose brushing against the shell of his ear. He knew he needed to stop him. He _wanted_ to stop him. But he stood frozen against the door.

Negan moved Carl’s hair out of the way as he licked up and down, nibbling on his lobe.

Carl held back a whimper as he closed his eye and felt Negan’s lip kiss gently along his jaw. His heart raced, thumping hard in his chest with each soft touch from Negan. He felt hyper aware of all of his senses. Negan lifted slightly away from his jaw, repositioning. Carl knew what was coming next as he felt puffs of breath ghosting over his mouth but he refused to open his eye, as if not seeing it meant that it wasn’t actually about to happen. Negan’s nose brushed softly against his as he met Carl’s lips. Too curious to push him away, Carl opened his mouth and let Negan in.

Negan lifted his hands, one to cup Carl’s jaw and the other to run his fingers through his hair. Pulling him in closer, Negan’s warm touch sent shivers down Carl’s spine. He was dizzy and trembling in Negan’s hands. Carl reached out and held his hands on Negan’s hips, as Negan dipped his tongue further into his mouth, causing Carl to lose his breath. Squeezing his fingers tight to hold his balance, Carl couldn’t hold back the moan that slipped out of his mouth as Negan continued to ravish it. So gently and so unlike anything they’d ever done before. Pulling back slowly, Negan ran his tongue along Carl’s bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth and nipping at it teasingly with his teeth.

He was lost in this version of Negan he didn’t recognize, however, he didn’t believe for a second that it was sincere or anything more than a show. Just like everything he did. But it felt _so_ good to have someone holding him with such tender reverence. To have someone’s full attention lost on him. To take his mind off of all the daily struggles. Just a moment of heartbreaking compassion to forget everything that was wrong in the world. Carl needed it and Negan seemed to notice.

With tears stinging at the back of his eye, threatening to trickle at any moment, Carl finally pushed Negan away, gently but firm. Negan didn’t fight him. He relaxed his forehead against Carl’s and they both stood breathing in each other’s air. 

After taking a few deep breaths, Carl whispered softly, “ _Don’t_ do that again.”  

Sighing and simply stepping away, Negan replied, “You need to get out of here, kid.”

Carl took a moment to catch his breath and turned to the door behind him. He paused, holding his hand over the knob. He opened the door and walked out, certain he’d made the right decision.

 

* * *

 

Waking up the next day, Carl lay in his bed confused. He was angry at Negan for making everything so difficult. Not just the deals but their lives. Things had been going well before he had gotten involved. At least as good as they had been in a long time. Carl wasn’t about to forgive any of Negan’s actions towards them even if he did like how he made him feel.

Resolutely, Carl gathered his things and decided to tell Negan to take him back to Alexandria. He packed his bag with the few belongings he brought and headed out to see what else he could find. 

He stopped by the armory to grab a box of ammunition and was surprised to see that he wasn’t stopped, true to Negan’s word. Tucking the box into his bag he made his way to the infirmary and raided the supply. From there Carl moved to the commissary where he picked a few of the more difficult items to come by, stuffing a few candy bars into the remaining empty pockets.

He took a few deep breaths and walked around the main areas of the compound. His stomach churned, unsettled about whether or not he was ready to face Negan. But Carl knew he wouldn’t be able to leave without his approval, so he continued searching for him.

After the most likely places were checked Carl reluctantly decided to try Negan’s bedroom. He was hoping he wouldn’t have to return there. It was too secluded and made him feel nervous. He was worried about leaving his reservations at the door. Repeating a mantra to remind himself how angry he was at Negan, he reached his bedroom door. Scuffling noises could be heard behind it. Without caring about intruding, Carl opened the door quickly.

He saw a blonde woman, naked, sitting on top of Negan. Carl froze with his hand stuck on the door as she was writhing her hips on top of him. She stopped and looked him then quickly tried to cover herself.

Negan turned his head, smiling at Carl, “Here to join the party?”

Frowning, Carl slammed the door shut and began pacing in the hallway. Walking down the corridor and back, he felt the strong urge to run away. He didn’t want to be there. He didn’t want to see Negan’s smug face, gloating in front of him. What he wanted was to go home. He knew his dad would be worried and he was sick as hell of seeing Negan.

Crossing his arms, he leaned against the wall waiting for Negan to finish. It wasn’t long after his intrusion that the blonde opened the door and walked out. Meekly, she looked at Carl. Without saying a word, she slipped past him. Carl felt bad for her. Everyone was stuck playing Negan’s games. It only fueled him to resist even more.

Walking back to the open door, Carl pushed it just in time to see Negan standing with his pants on, holding a shirt in his hand.

“Take me back home,” Carl demanded boldly.

“Christ kid, gimme a couple minutes, would ya?” He pulled his white shirt over his head. Tightening his belt he walked closer to Carl. “You got your shit?”

“Yes.”

“Can you _hit_ a fuckin’ target?”

“Yes,” Carl bit impatiently.

“Well, alright then.” Negan grabbed his jacket and walked past him without another word.

Carl stood quietly for a moment, feeling the anger well beneath his skin. He turned quickly and silently followed Negan out to the van. 

When they reached it, Negan tossed him the keys. Reluctantly, Carl went to the driver’s side, pulled open the squeaky door and climbed in to sit in front of the wheel. He took a deep breath as Negan adjusted on the seat next to him and Carlstarted the ignition.

“You think it’s reckless? Me letting you drive? Do you have your license?” Negan laughed.

With a questioning look, Carl turned to him, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Aw, never mind kid. Inside joke.”

Carl put the van into drive and pulled away from the compound. He was growing annoyed at how accustomed he was becoming with the trips to and from the Sanctuary to Alexandria.

Sitting in the front seat, Carl couldn’t help but clench his jaw in anger at Negan’s lack of attention even now on the ride home. If he wanted him to admit that he liked him so bad, Carl didn’t understand why Negan would continue to ignore him.

After a few minutes of silence, farther away from the compound, Negan finally spoke, “I had to teach Driver’s Ed.”

“What?”

“Driver’s Ed. It was part of the gig. Little joke from before. ‘Do you have your license.’”

“Okay,” Carl answered confused. After a few more minutes he asked curiously, “So that’s what you did before? You taught people how to drive?”

“Kids. Teenagers. Not full time. In the summer for extra cash.”

“Lucky them,” Carl replied sarcastically. To his own annoyance, Carl found himself asking, “What _did_ you do? _Before_.”

Negan laughed, “Story for another time, kid.”

Carl sat quietly contemplating how cordial Negan was being. It exasperated him for reasons he wasn’t quite sure of. Normally Negan wouldn’t shut the hell up and now he wouldn’t say a word. Because of his peripheral vision Carl couldn’t even glance at him without being overly obvious, though he wished he could better see what Negan was doing.

Eventually Negan started to whistle a tune. It wasn’t anything that Carl knew, high pitched switching quickly to lows. It did, however, succeed in egging him on. Carl's skin began to crawl as he felt like Negan was taunting him in the passenger's seat. It was easier when Negan would just come out directly and be an asshole instead of finding little annoyances to pack on. Carl was beginning to resent how virtually nonexistent he was in the driver’s seat. He gripped the wheel tight and tried to fight the urge to slam on the breaks. He wanted to hit Negan. He wanted to rip his throat out. Stab a knife in his heart. Put his hand over broken glass and stomp hard enough to slice through his flesh and break his bones. Carl wanted to _hurt_ him.

It was at that moment Carl suddenly realized Negan’s melody had changed. It started slow, nearly unrecognizable until he whistled at the right pace. Screaming rage scratched at his skull as he remembered the familiar chorus of _You Are My Sunshine._ Carl’s heart stopped in anger. Hands sweating, he slammed on the brakes causing his body to be thrown forward harshly. Struggling with the shifter, he jerked it into park. Before thinking, Carl threw open his door and jumped from the van, slamming it shut behind him. Carl started pacing back and forth, trying to decide if he should slice Negan’s throat or put a bullet in his forehead.

He wasn’t paying attention until he saw Negan slink around the corner of the van, smiling wide enough to see his dimples as he sauntered slowly, Lucille dragging casually behind. “What’s the matter, princess?”

Searing into his eyes, Carl strode towards the man with his arrogant grin. He closed the distance between them and threw a hard punch landing with a crack on Negan’s jaw. He was aiming for his nose, but it was good enough. Feeling the sting in his hand, Carl watched as Negan faltered. 

“You _fuck_!” Negan shook his head. He turned back to Carl, rubbing his jaw. “Shit, that’s a good throw.” Massaging the bone, testing it by moving it around, Negan laughed to himself. “That’s gonna fuckin’ sting tomorrow. Shit, you’re lucky I didn’t bite my tongue off or I’d be fuckin’ you with a blade right about now.”

Carl held his fists tight at his sides, “ _Don’t_ do that again.”

“Take it you didn’t like the in flight entertainment?” He chuckled standing up straight, once again shaking off the punch.

Carl approached him again. Studying his face closely, he furrowed his brow. “Don’t,” he threatened.

Negan smiled, internally laughing at Carl’s threat.

Without Carl realizing it, Negan grabbed onto his arms and pushed him hard against the side of the van. He bounced back into Negan, but Negan held him firm, trapping him. “ _You,”_ Negan said slowly, “ _Don’t_ get to do _that_ and get away with it.”

Closing his eye, Carl focused on inhaling slowly, realizing that Negan once again had the advantage. Negan nudged his nose against Carl’s making him shiver and clench his jaw.

“If I want to whistle our goddamn song, I’m _gonna_ whistle our fuckin’ song. It’s _special_ , Carl,” Negan smiled wide and cocksure. “Holds a fuckin’ place in my heart,” he added.

Carl shivered in anger. Lifting his head he looked at Negan’s white teeth and his smug smile. He wanted more than anything to wipe it off of his face. So Carl thrust his hands out against Negan's chest, wrapped his fingers tight into his jacket and pulled Negan in viciously, colliding their lips rough against each other. The faint taste of blood was mixed with the taste of Negan. Carl was rough, ripping at the front of Negan’s jacket, frantically trying to unzip it. He reached under his shirt and clawed his fingers down Negan's chest, grasping wildly. They breathed harshly into each other's mouths, both fighting to regain the advantage, teeth clanging, lips sucking and biting violently against each other. Carl moaned into Negan as he felt the man's hands slip through his hair, holding his head where he needed it.

Desperately Carl's fingers scratched down to the band of Negan's jeans. His fingers burned as he dipped them in feeling the soft flesh underneath Negan's clothes. He removed them frantically before deciding to claw recklessly for his belt. Negan held Carl’s head, turning and moving it the way he needed while ravishing his mouth. When Carl had the belt unfastened, he reached a hand into Negan’s pants.

Negan pushed him away sharply. “Stop,” Negan demanded breathing quickly.

Carl squinted at him, “You fucking serious? Come _on_ , Negan. This is stupid!” Carl tried to pull him back in but Negan held him firmly away.

Taking a step back, Negan wiped his mouth and put his hands on his hips. Lucille lay forgotten on the ground. He turned, looking away from Carl, contemplating the recent events.

“Why?” Negan finally asked.

“What?”

“Why the hell do you want to do this? Huh?”

Carl blushed, “What the hell is it with you and talking about our _feelings_?”

“ _Your_ fuckin’ feelings,” Negan corrected.

Taking a step forward, Carl continued, “Why the hell do you care? _Why_?”

“Because this is _fucked_ up. Even for me, okay? And I’m not doing it anymore. Not like _before_.”

Confused, Carl asked, “Are you- Do you feel _guilty?_ ” He laughed, “ _This_ is what makes you feel bad?”

Negan scoffed, “Fuck, kid, I _know_ I’ve done worse shit. I’m not comparing my track record here.”

“So why the hell are you hung up on this?”

Walking close, Negan finally answered, “I like fuckin’ you, Carl. I like it a _lot_ . But I don’t want to _just_ fuck the hell out of you. I want to _spread_ you out on the goddamn bed and lick and suck and _consume_  every fuckin’ inch of that body of yours. I want to see you shoot your load calling _my_ name. I want to see those damn cock suckin' lips of yours wrapped tight around my prick and _know_ you like it as much as I do because you’re going to be _begging_ me to hurt you just a little bit more.”

Carl listened intently to each word Negan spoke. His heart pounded hard and face grew warm as he felt the flush spread across his cheeks. The mere image of what Negan suggested was more intoxicating, and he was already throbbing painfully hard in his jeans. Once again he questioned why he was resisting so much.

Negan took a deep breath and continued, “This _ain’t_ a fuckin’ ego thing. This is _knowing_ how much better it could be if you just stop pretending for one goddamn second that you don’t want it.”

Taking a small breath, Carl mocked, “Isn’t that what your wives are for?”

Negan closed his eyes and inhaled deep. Letting his breath escape he said, “Just make up your damn mind.” Carl watched as he walked over to the driver’s side and got into the van. As Carl started walking around the car Negan called out to him, “The _back!_ Sit in the fuckin’ back until we get there.”

Reluctantly, Carl did as he was ordered. He crawled into the empty space in the back and sat down, staring across the wall. He was exhausted. All the anger and energy drained from his body as the van bumped softly over the road and back to Alexandria.

 

* * *

 

Negan didn’t bother to even leave the car when they reached Alexandria. He pulled up to the gate and pounded on the separation to the back of the van. Carl hopped out and walked around to the passengers side.

“Take your shit and get out of here,” Negan ordered heartlessly.

Carl looked at him a minute before angrily pulling the door open and reaching in for his bag. Slamming it shut with a loud crash, Negan instantly began backing up. Furious, Carl turned around and walked the rest of the way to the gate. He grumbled at them to open the doors which they did immediately. He walked straight to his house. Keeping his head down, he vaguely heard people calling to him but Carl ignored any attempt at conversation along the way. 

When reached his house, entering, he slid his back down the closed door. The house was quiet. No one seemed to be home. He figured he should go find his dad but he couldn’t be bothered. He didn’t want to talk to anyone right now.

Negan wanted him to admit how he felt, but Carl didn't even know. He had never taken time to consider it. To him it had always just been a job to get done so he could eventually help the community. He didn't know why Negan's suddenly harsh treatment was bothering him so much. It shouldn't matter. Carl shouldn't care, hell, he should be relieved. But those thoughts did nothing to sooth the uneasiness he felt at the back of his throat. Almost like it was difficult to breath.

He dug the heel of his hand into his eye and took long breaths. He knew he needed to figure it out.

 


	2. Right on Time

“Are you okay? What happened?” Rick asked immediately, bursting into Carl’s room to interrogate him.

“I’m fine!” Carl was laying on his bed, taking deep breaths, trying to remain calm at the intrusion. “Nothing happened, okay? I didn’t really even see him. He gave me a room and his lackeys showed me around. I basically did whatever I wanted.” Rubbing his eye, he sat up sighing, “There’s a map of the compound in my bag. Or there should be. I don’t know if Negan took it out or not. There’s some other stuff too, food and medical supplies.”

“He _let_ you take all that?” Rick leaned towards his son.

Carl shrugged, “Yeah. He said whatever I could carry. Look for yourself.”

Rick grabbed his bag from the floor and sat on the bed next to Carl. He unzipped it to find ammo sitting on top.

“You took  _ammo?_ Did he see this?”

Nodding, Carl dropped his head so his hair would cover his face. He never told Rick that Negan had given him a gun. He didn’t want his dad to ask how he got it. Carl felt like it would just be easier to hide it instead.

Turning to inspect his son, Rick took a moment to really study him. Carl's shoulders slumped forward and his arms braced nervously onto the bed. “Carl,” Rick started slowly. “You need to tell me, did he-” Rick shook his head, “He didn’t-” he paused. “Did he _hurt_ you?”

“Dad!” Carl exclaimed exasperated. “I’m _fine_ ! He didn’t _touch_ me just leave it alone.”

“Why would he let you take these things? _Why?_ He's gotta have a reason.”

Shrugging Carl answered, “I don’t know. Maybe he’s trying to mess with me. With us. How the hell can anyone know why he does what he does? He’s insane.”

Rick rubbed his hand over his face. “Alright. For now why don’t you keep these here in your room, outta everyone’s sight. Put the ammo in a safe place.” He nodded to himself.

Carl turned to lay back down on his bed. “Dad,” he said quietly. “I just need to sleep a little.”

Rick studied him then stood awkwardly next to the bed, “That’s a real good idea, drawing a map like that, Carl. Good thinkin’.”

“I just need to rest,” he repeated, rolling away from him.

Rick nodded and Carl could hear his feet as he scuffled out of the room.

Picking at the fabric of his blanket, Carl took a moment to think about everything Negan had said. He admitted to Negan he liked it, having sex with him. He _told_ him. But that wasn’t the right answer. Carl wondered if never seeing Negan like that again would be okay. Logically he wanted to believe that it was relief he was feeling. Relief that it was over. But that feeling burned wrong in his chest and made it difficult for him to swallow. His stomach clenched as he tried to reason with himself about getting out of it with Negan before it got too messy. Before anyone found out.

He had never wanted someone like Negan in his life. He had never even  _known_ anyone like him. And if he had they sure as hell never would have noticed him back. Carl couldn’t help but think that he was being played by all of it. There was no reason that someone like Negan would need or want Carl. The only advantage he could see was that he was using Carl to try and hurt Rick. And Carl knew if his dad found out about what he had already done with Negan he would be devastated.

Moving the heel of his hand, he massaged against his eye. He held pressure against it until he saw stars blinking in the darkness. He opened his eye and ripped the bandage from his wound. Running his fingers through his hair, he couldn’t figure out why it was hurting him so much to think that Negan had just been using him this whole time. He _knew_ he had been using him, for sex at the very least, but it was sex with _him_. Carl had control over that and it was still him that Negan wanted. But thinking that the whole thing was just an elaborate plot to get to his dad made Carl’s throat close up. His chest constricted making him feel out of control.

His heart began to beat fast as the idea turned to anger in his mind. He wasn’t going to let Negan think he had gotten to him. He wasn’t going to let Negan think he had won. Burying his head into his pillow, Carl forced himself to sleep and forget anything that had happened between him and Negan.

 

* * *

 

 

A week passed before the Saviors showed their faces in Alexandria. Carl recognized many of them from his time at the Sanctuary as they walked through town, cocksure and ready to raid the houses.

He was sitting outside on the curb, throwing pebbles into the street, glaring at everyone as they passed. Carl was hoping one of them would try to challenge him. But they didn’t. They ignored him and walked by. His stomach started churning as he began to wonder if Negan joined them this time. Carl bit his lip to keep himself from looking up to try and spot him.  
  
“Carl!”  
  
He recognized his dad’s voice calling to him. He threw one final rock and then stood up looking to find where Rick was. He found him quickly and walked over, sulking, trying to keep his head down.

“Stay with me, alright?” Rick said.

Reluctantly, Carl nodded and began to follow his dad to the main gate.

Carl glanced around carefully and noticed that everyone in Alexandria seemed to be nervously waiting around the entrance to their houses. He rolled his eyes at their worried expressions, not that it was unfounded but out of exhaustion for the whole show. As they walked closer to the main gate, Carl steeled himself and lifted his head to really see who was around.

The trucks were blocking the entrance but most of the Saviors had already dispersed through town. A few were wandering near the vehicles, guns ready to be fired. Searching around, he was not surprised to hear that familiar voice behind him.

“Rick! Get your ass over here!” Negan called.

They turned around. Carl took a deep breath and glared at Negan. He was nervous. After Negan had kicked him out of the van he wasn’t sure what to expect from him.

“Your load seems to be runnin’ on the low side,” he said sternly. “Now what do you think can be done to motivate you to move that sweet ass of yours and get the goddamn job done?”

Carl rolled his eye. He watched as Negan continued to berate his father. It was still difficult to determine at which point Negan was serious and when he was messing around. Carl erred on the side of caution and assumed he’d follow through with most of his threats.

Vaguely listening to the mumbled sounds of his dad’s reply, Carl blocked out the words. He was carefully watching Negan’s body language, waiting for any slightly aggressive move. Carl caught himself lingering his gaze over Negan’s hips. He quickly brought his eye back to his face. He expected Negan to have a smartass comment or smug knowing grin, but Negan’s attention was solely on Rick.

Carl’s stomach did a flip and he realized that Negan hadn’t said anything to him at all. He hadn’t looked at him or even insulted him. It pissed Carl off. Suddenly, now that he wasn’t an effective tool to use against Rick, Negan had no reason to even talk to him. Carl’s shoulders tensed as he watched Negan lean back, smiling and relaxed. Acting like Carl was nothing.

Without considering his action, Carl turned and walked toward his house. He heard his dad calling after him but ignored it. Negan hadn’t said a thing except to bring Rick back into their discussion.

It was an accomplishment that when he reached the door he didn’t slam it shut after entering. Fingering through his hair, Carl closed his eye and tried to collect his thoughts. Shaking his head he walked into the kitchen and reached for an apple. His aim and accuracy of depth perception were definitely improved but he still had trouble with fine motor skills. Drawing out a knife, Carl began to slice into the apple, cutting precisely. Once a slice was cut he attempted to cut them into smaller bits, practicing his precision.

The door opened and he looked up to see Negan followed by Rick entering the house. He took a deep breath as Negan walked towards him, still not making eye contact. Carl dropped the knife and watched as Negan reached for the apple slices.

“Look, I buy whatever pansy ass excuse you have for not bringing enough supplies back, so you can quick the damn gripin’ about it. What you _need_ to do,” he paused smiling, “Is figure out some fuckin’ place way the hell out there. Probably one of the bigger cities, go in with a team. I’m really disappointed that I need to spell this out for you.”

Rick sighed, struggling to look at the frown on Carl’s face then back to Negan who was now playing with the knife Carl had set down. “What I’m tellin’ you is that we barely have any supplies. You want us to scavenge? Fine. But we need the resources in order to _do_ that. You leave us with no supplies, no fuel, you’re only going to accomplish killing us here. And you still _won’t_ get your what we might have found.”

Negan narrowed his eyes at Rick, smirking behind his gaze. Rick put his hands on his hips and looked down, defeated. Negan began to tap the blade of the knife against his lips, deep in thought.  

“You are _absolutely_ right, Rick,” he smiled.

Carl watched carefully as Negan moved the knife to skewer another piece of apple from the counter. He popped it into his mouth and stared intently at Rick.

“I’ll give you enough for a couple of tanks of gas, plenty to get you farther out, but you sure as shit better come back with something good. Lucille’s not going to be too happy if you come back empty handed.” He winked.

Taking a deep breath, Rick nodded.

Carl watched as Negan continued to ignore him. He was intently studying Rick, tapping the knife to his lips softly.

Pulling it away to examine it, Negan smirked, “Keepin’ these around the house is dangerous, you know? Don’t want any kids to get their damn hands on ‘em. Who knows what kind of misbehavior that could lead to.” 

Shaking his head at Negan, Carl bit his tongue trying not to say a word. He turned his gaze down to watch the counter. Negan was trying to provoke him. It was little but it was something. Carl thought back to the night he snuck into the room when Negan was sleeping. Carl had watched him for a few moments. He easily could have stuck the knife into his skull and saved them a lot of trouble. He wondered now why he didn’t.

Why he couldn’t.

Something about Negan was so alluring that each time Carl really thought of killing him he continued to talk himself right out of it. He didn’t _just_ want him dead, he wanted to _hurt_ him. He wanted to make him feel the agony he had inflicted on so many. But each time he attempted he left feeling more confused. Negan saw through his threats and straight to what Carl really wanted to do. He saw how much Carl wanted to make him suffer and Negan got turned on by it.

Carl had only shared that side of himself rarely and when he did he no one really understood what he meant by it. And Negan not only saw it immediately but wasn’t afraid of it. He got off on it. Carl had to admit, even reluctantly so, that maybe that’s what he wanted to pursue with Negan. It still wasn’t _Negan_ he wanted, but the understanding that came with him. The validation that something he has known about himself was true and everyone else was just blind to it.

When Carl looked up, his heart jumped to find that Negan was actually staring back at him. With intent consideration, Negan licked his bottom lip and and smirked. Adrenaline began to flow through his veins. He had been nervous their first time with the walker but something seemed different now. Negan was different. Carl wanted to believe that there was a purpose behind those brown eyes but he couldn’t trust himself to affirm it.

“Rick,” Negan spoke casually holding eye contact with Carl, “Why don’t you head on out to the gate.”

Inhaling uneven breathes, Rick watched Carl. Carl knew he wanted him to follow but he couldn’t break his eye contact with Negan.

“Don’t make me say it again,” Negan added in his sing-song tone.

Finally, Carl tore his eye away from Negan and onto to his dad. He nodded confidently that he was okay. When Rick felt satisfied enough to believe him, he nodded back and walked out the door.

Turning to Negan, Carl met his eyes.

“You make up your mind yet?” He asked frankly.

Shrugging his shoulders, Carl remained quiet.

Negan inhaled. “Okay,” he said simply and walked towards the door.

“Wait,” Carl called to him.

He stopped and turned around.

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say to me?”

“Carl,” he replied frustrated. “We don’t have a damn thing to talk about until you’ve made up your mind. Because after that the only questions are gonna be ‘are you ready for my dick?’ or ‘why the hell didn’t you find me more shit?’”

“I just-” Carl started, trying to collect his thoughts. “ _Why?_ Why do _you_ want this? I need to know. Are you just screwing with me? Are you looking for another hook up?” Taking a deep breath he added shaking, “Or is _this_ just another way to get to my dad?”

The usual smirk that seemed to be a permanent fixture on Negan’s face dropped. Carl watched as his expression changed into an unfamiliar one. One he had only seen once before when he was in Negan’s room tormenting him about his wound. Trying to swallow, there was a knot in the back of Carl’s throat. He was suddenly very nervous for what Negan might say. His heart raced but he tried to conceal his anxious state behind a cold, hardened mask.

“Kid, listen up because I am _not_ going to repeat this,” he said softly taking a step forward. “You and me? First and foremost, has abso-fuckin-lutely _shit_ to do with Rick. Okay?” Turning away to look absently at the wall, Negan continued, “But I’m not going to deny that it tickles my balls to know how damn much he would hate it.” He huffed a laugh, then turned back to Carl continuing sincerely, “This _isn’t_ about him, though. Alright?”

Eyeing him skeptically, Carl wanted to believe him.

“You’re makin’ this too hard, Carl,” Negan added. “Which is exactly why you need to sort out your shit.”

Carl turned away, thinking about how much he was willing to believe Negan. He wanted to. Some ache deep in his stomach was begging him to believe him that it wasn’t a play against Rick.

“So what _do_ you want?” he asked.

Negan took a step toward him, swagger returned as he leaned back, “Think I’ve been pretty fuckin’ clear with you about what I want out of this.”

Carl watched Negan scratch his forehead.

“It’s just fuckin’, kid,” Negan said. “And if it’s _not_ just fucking to you, then there’s that option too. You would make one hell of a right hand man and I could use someone like you by my side.” Taking a step closer, Negan play punched his shoulder and added, “Maybe a _left_ hand man, what with that fucked up peripheral vision and all.”

Reluctantly, Carl cracked a smile.

“Look,” Negan said, “Whatever you choose, just know I’m _still_ screwin’ all my wives. We are _not_ riding off into the fuckin’ sunset or skippin’ on a goddamn beach. We’re building an _empire._ So, just figure it out, alright? Because I’m sick of this sharing and caring bullshit. I just want to fuck you _raw_ until your limbs are numb, muscles are fuckin’ aching, and you’re layin’ there debauched as _hell_  just waiting for my dick to come in you again.”

Carl shivered at his proposal and tried to ignore how fast his dick twitched in his pants.

“Doesn’t have to be a bed,” Negan added smirking. “Couch or a kitchen table are fine by me,” he bit his bottom lip. Looking around the room he smiled wide, “Shit, bending you over that table there? Hell, we could do a _lot_ of damage in here, kid.”

Blushing, Carl closed his eye. He listened as Negan laughed and walked out the door calling, “Don’t take for fuckin’ ever, kid!”

Taking a deep breath Carl scratched his head and ran his fingers through his hair. Deep in his gut he knew he had already given in to Negan. He was fighting and clawing at the last rope to keep him tethered to sanity. He felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. The pain made his chest clenched each time he thought about what the others would say if they knew how much he wanted Negan to follow through on his promise.

They could never find out.

 

* * *

 

The next day Rick found Carl sitting on the stairs outside their house. Picking apart leaves in his hand and dropping them carelessly to the side, Carl moved over to allow his dad room to sit. Negan was across the street talking to one of his men. Carl studied him closely. He was pointing and ordering them around. Carl couldn’t hear but he knew Negan’s body language. He was putting on a show.

Rick cleared his throat, “Carl?” He sat on the step.

“Hmm?” Carl replied, annoyed.

“I need to ask you something and I need you to answer me honestly.”

Dropping the leaves, Carl unconsciously slumped his shoulders while taking a deep breath. “Yeah?”

“Yesterday,” Rick said, adjusting on the step to better turn towards his son. “You-” he sighed.

“Just ask, Dad,” Carl replied anxiously.

“You act different around him. What did he _do_ to you at the compound? And don’t even _think_ about tellin’ me nothin’ happened.”

Carl knew this conversation would happen eventually. He could only avoid Rick for so long. He knew what he planned on telling him, close enough to the truth, but it didn’t make it any easier.

“Carl,” Rick continued, turning to face him. “Yesterday, the way he was treating you? The way you been acting? I know I miss a lot of what goes on around here but I am not an idiot. I need to know what he did to you. What he’s _doing_ to you.”

Staring resolutely at the ground, Carl took a deep breath, “He-” Trying to steady his nerves, he took a minute to get his story right in his thoughts.

“Has he laid even a finger on you? He makin’ you do stuff?”

“Ugh, Dad,” Carl groaned bringing a hand to his eye in embarrassment. Avoiding the question, he quickly answered, “He wants to _train_ me. Like, be his second in command. I wouldn’t be in charge of anything  _now_ , but eventually. Not just one of the lackeys. He wants me _with_ him working on his ‘empire’.”

 _“Why_ would he want that?” Rick shifted nervously.

Carl shrugged, “He thinks I have potential. He thinks I have the mind to lead. He thinks he can turn me into one of his followers. He likes that I’m not afraid of him. Pick a reason.”

“What’d you say to him?” Rick leaned in almost whispering.

“I didn’t say _anything_ yet. He wants me to think it over.”

“He threatenin' you for sayin’ no?”

“No. He’s-” Closing his eye he shook his head, “We have an understanding. This isn’t like the other stuff. He’d kill me in a second if he thought it gave him an advantage. But this is like-” Carl paused to find the words, “It’s like one of his rules. He’s giving me a choice and he’s fine with whatever I decide.”

Rick nodded silently on the stairs.

“Dad, I’d have access to everything, you know? I’d be nearly in charge of the whole operation. How can I-” Carl looked to Rick to meet his eyes, “How can I say _no_ to that?”

“Carl, I _know_ you. I know you want to do this. And I know you think this could help, and maybe it could, but the _risk_ isn’t worth it. _He_ isn’t worth it.”

Shaking his head, Carl countered, “Besides access to _everything_ at the Sanctuary, I could get him to lighten up on the raids here. Let us keep more supplies.”

“What makes you think he’d listen to you?”

Swallowing nervously, Carl answered, “I just know he would.”

Rubbing his forehead, Rick rocked on the step before turning back to Carl, “Why? Why are you so sure?”

His heart was racing at the confrontation. He was worried Rick would see through him. “I just _know,_ ” Carl replied. “Look, I don’t really want to talk about this but he’s different around me. Or, he has been. When it’s just us. All of this-” Carl waved a hand in Negan’s direction. “This is all show. He isn’t honest with me often but when he is, he’s still a person under all of that.”

“Carl,” Rick’s tone turned threatening, “ _This_ is who he is. Whatever you _think_ you see is him playing you. He wants you to trust him. But you _can’t._ You can never let your guard down!”

“No,” shaking his head he continued, “It’s _not_ about letting my guard down. I told you, I know he’d kill me the second it would help him, but he lives by his own code. And I know I could get him to change things. To make it _better_. And Dad,” he turned to look Rick in the eye, “If he doesn’t listen to me, I can put a bullet in his head so fast. And if I had access to everything in his compound, we could take the place over. _This_ is our way in!”

“What and he’s gonna give you a gun? Are you going to be able to steal one? There are too many factors here, Carl-”

“He gave me one,” Carl interrupted. “A gun. That box of ammo you found is for my gun.”

“You _have_ a gun?”

Carl shrugged, “I wanted to see how far I could push it. I was surprised too, but he gave me one.”

“Why didn’t you _tell_ me this?”

Shaking his head, “I didn’t know if he was just messing with me or what. I didn’t want to get anyone else in trouble, okay?”

“And you don’t think he knows you’re telling me all of this right now?”

“He doesn’t think it matters anymore. He likes the power he thinks he has,” Carl sighed.

Standing up, Rick took a few breaths. Pointing his fingers down at Carl he said, “Don’t give him an answer yet. For me. Okay, Carl? Can you just- Will you let me wrap my head around it?”

Carl nodded reluctantly.  

 

* * *

 

Slipping past the gate, Carl found himself wandering in the woods. Far enough away that most people wouldn’t find him, yet close enough to find his way back. He felt trapped when Negan was around. He _was_ trapped. Outside he could breath again.

Sitting down harshly, Carl stretched his legs out in front of him. He was done. He was done fighting Negan. There were too many advantages that he couldn’t lose and it wasn’t exactly torture to have sex with him. He could swallow his pride and tell Negan whatever he wanted to hear. Resting his head against a tree, Carl closed his eye and listened to the sounds of the woods.

The harsh noise of crunching leaves rustled in front of him. The steps were too purposeful to be a walker. He opened his eye, quickly surveying the area as he stood with his knife ready. He wasn’t surprised to see Negan, Lucille hanging over his shoulder, come out from behind a tree.

Returning his knife to his pocket, Carl glared at Negan, “What are _you_ doing here?”

Dimples showing, he answered, “Now, I was about to ask you the same damn thing!”

“I came out here to get away from _you_.”

Standing straight as he dropped Lucille to his side, Negan asked, “That mean you finally made up your goddamn mind?”

Carl looked away from him, reluctantly admitting, “Yeah.”     

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Care to drop the fuckin’ bomb?”

Turning away and sighing, Carl asked, “Are you really going to make me say it? Yeah, okay! You were right.”

“Right about what, exactly?” Negan gloated, taking a step closer, swinging Lucille casually.

Carl glared at him. “Jesus, I hate you so much,” he gritted through his teeth.

Leaning back smirking, Negan joked, “Yeah, but you still want to bounce that perky ass on my dick.”

Looking down, quietly Carl admitted, “Yeah.” He could feel his face warm with embarrassment.

“Well, hot damn!” Negan clapped his hands and smiled wide, “About goddamn time.” He rubbed his hand over his mouth in contemplation before grinning, “Cool.” Lifting his eyebrows, he nodded slightly at Carl, “I knew this little walk was going to turn out to be a great fuckin’ idea.” He shrugged and then turned away from Carl.

Carl was surprised to see him walk away. Shuffling fast to catch up he blurted, “Wait, I tell you that and then… you just _leave?_ ” His heart sank worrying that he might have been right all along. Negan was only tormenting him. Everything he told Carl was a lie to tear him down. Carl felt stupid. Why would he think Negan would ever tell the truth? 

“Shit, I got work to do, kid.”

“Yeah but-” his heart was rabbiting beneath his chest and his stomach lurched.

Negan stopped, “Look, kid, don’t make me spell this out,” he turned to Carl. “You and me? We’re cool. But the adults have shit to fuckin’ get done. Go on back to your white picket fence and when I’m done we can blow and suck and fuck each others brains out.”

“Oh,” Carl said quietly.

“‘Oh’,” Negan mocked as he turned to continue walking away.  

Carl kept in time, “So- I’m just supposed to-”

“Jesus Christ, _yes_. Go _home_. Stretch out that asshole of yours. Spank out a few so you’ll last longer later. You _know_ I love how fuckin’ quick you are to pitch a tent but you’re gonna need some stamina if you want to keep up with me for everything I have planned.”

Carl eyed him suspiciously, but he couldn’t help the small smile that twitched at the corner of his mouth.

They walked the rest of the way back to Alexandria in silence.

 

* * *

 

After sundown, Negan ordered Carl to follow him outside the main gate.

Carl would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous. Something about it being so premeditated and not _for the better good_ made him feel anxious and irritated. Negan hadn’t said a word to him after he told him to get into one of the trucks. Carl focused on his breathing as Negan drove them out. 

It was a nice night. Just cool enough to still be comfortable. He looked out the window and committed the roads Negan took to memory. They weren’t driving long before Negan pulled the truck slightly to the side and stopped it.

Letting his fist uncurl, Carl hadn’t realized he had clenched them so tightly. Negan sat there a moment before drumming his fingers on the wheel and getting out of the truck.

“Come on,” he ordered, walking out of Carl’s line of sight.

Taking a deep breath, Carl opened the door and walked to find Negan behind the back of the truck.

“Last chance to back out,” Negan teased using his sing-song voice. The voice Carl had become accustomed to which made him want to punch Negan every time he heard it.

“It’s not like this is the first time,” Carl mumbled.

“Oh, it’s the first time like _this,”_ Negan smirked, holding his hand over the back door of the truck.

Suddenly, Carl became very nervous and wasn’t sure he wanted to see what was in there.

Negan laughed, “You _don’t_ have to do this. You know that, right?” He smirked, amused by Carl’s apprehension.

Narrowing his eyes, Carl leaned closer to Negan to show he was accepting the challenge. He wasn’t going back. He reached out to Negan’s waist and tugged at his belt. Pulling him forward, Negan was forced to take a step toward him. He was grinning back at Carl as his fingers fumbled at Negan’s belt. Carl was surprised when Negan’s hands wrapped tightly around his wrists, stopping him.

He looked up in confusion.

“ _Different_ this time,” Negan said.

Carl began to panic, his heart jumped as Negan moved closer to him. Turning his head away in embarrassment, Carl tried to focus on the trees around them. He didn’t know why he was suddenly so nervous. Shifting closer, Negan lifted his arm. Just as Carl thought he was going to kiss him, Negan crouched down slightly and pulled up. Behind him the back door to the truck opened with a loud clanging echo. Negan took a step back and laughed softly at Carl’s reaction.

Turning around, Carl saw a mattress in the back with a sheet over it. He was actually surprised Negan had gone that far out of his way to make it comfortable.

“I lied before,” Negan smirked. “I am _too_ damn old to be fuckin’ on a hard surface when I have access to somethin’ better. The only hard surface you’re gonna find here is my dick.”

To his own surprise, Carl huffed out a quiet laugh.

“Well, looky here. You might have a goddamn sense of humor after all!” Negan took a step toward him again, forcing Carl to take a step back. His legs bumped against the back of the truck making him stop.

As Negan leaned in again, Carl’s heart began to pound anxiously. His chest was tight as Negan bit his lip and looked down at Carl’s. Just as Negan was about to meet his lips, Carl turned his head hastily, instantly head butting Negan in the face. They both pulled away wincing in pain.

“What the _hell_?” Negan pinched the bridge of his nose.

“What the hell was _that?”_ Carl demanded, rubbing his forehead.

“Jesus Christ,” Negan sighed, shaking off the pain. “I was tryin’ to fuckin’ kiss you, you jackass. What the shit?”

“We _don’t_ do that,” Carl stood up straight staring Negan in the eye.

“We do _now_.”

“Since when the hell did you decided that?”

“You want me to take you back? Just say the fuckin’ word!” Negan warned.

Carl leaned towards him, scowling and seething, “You _always_ decide whatever the hell you want and just make everyone go along with it.”

“You don’t like it you can leave,” Negan leaned toward Carl.

“Leave here? Leave _you_? For good? I would in a _second,_ but you have guns to our heads!” Shaking, Carl continued, “How the hell am I supposed to leave?”

“Smartass. You know what I mean.”

Carl was shaking with anger. Once again he found himself in front of Negan. In front of the person who was making their lives hell. He didn’t know what the hell he was doing out there. Adrenaline pumped through his veins with each hard pound of his heart. His chest was tight and he felt that irritating knot form again at the back of his throat making it hard to swallow back his emotions. He wanted to hurt him. He wanted to _hurt_ Negan _so_ goddamn bad. If Carl could hurt him the way Negan made him hurt then maybe some of the pain clenched around his stomach would finally go away.

He hated feeling so wild and untethered. Anything would feel better than the shame and regret he had boiling in his blood. But he didn’t want to go back. He just didn’t want to make it too easy for Negan. At least he felt like he was still fighting. But it was useless. In a weak attempt to weigh himself down to anything solid, Carl acquiesced and reached out to Negan’s chest, pulling him in hard to meet his lips. It wasn’t soft and tender like Negan was trying to be. Carl’s lips crushed against Negan’s. He opened his mouth with urgency and sought the warmth in Negan. Carl didn’t care anymore as his lips bruised and his teeth scraped and the faint metallic taste was once again back in his mouth. He didn’t care once Negan was sucking at his tongue and his lip and his hands gripped tight on Carl's skull.

Negan began fumbling with Carl’s clothes, determined to free him of them. He pushed Carl back against the truck and Carl sat hard on the edge, breathing frantically.

Carl’s hands searched again at Negan’s pants, struggling to rip them open. Negan’s fingers ran through his hair and Carl didn’t even give a shit that Negan took the bandage off. Scrambling to sit fully on the truck, Carl kept clawing at Negan, pulling him closer between his legs. Wanting to just feel skin against him and the heavy weight of Negan’s body to keep him grounded.

Suddenly, Negan pulled away. Just as Carl was about to protest he watched Negan pull his shirt off. “Get on the bed,” he ordered, voice gravelly and low. And god help him, Carl found himself hard against his jeans.

As he moved himself back further into the truck, he quickly pulled his shirt off and kicked out of his jeans. He adjust his dick in his boxers as he situated himself on the mattress. Carl looked up to Negan standing in front of him. His shirt was gone and Carl’s gaze dropped from his tattoos to his lean torso as Negan’s hands slid off his pants. As Carl moved back, Negan lowered himself next to him, finally pulling at Carl’s head to meet his mouth again.   

Carl could feel his thoughts finally dying out only to be replaced with mantras of _faster, harder,_ and _more._ He refused to say it out loud but with his heart racing and sweat dewy on his brow, he realized that these times with Negan had been the only time where he felt the adrenaline rush of truly being alive without any kind of threat to his life. He was well acquainted with the familiar churning in his stomach and the sinking in his heart, but it was usually related to peril. Not knowing the feeling in another situation made him anxious, like anytime something bad would happen.

Finger nails scraped against his scalp causing him to shiver and bring his attention back to Negan. Goosebumps ran down his neck and Negan pulled him in tight, warm and moist lips once again meeting his. Carl felt the scratching of Negan’s scruff start to burn against his face. It felt good. It was a reminder that it was _Negan_ doing this to him. He knew that shouldn’t be a relief but with each new touch from Negan it became harder for him to give a shit. Negan was making him feel alive and not because he was almost dead.

Carl could feel the rage begin to leave his body, replaced by a warmth in his chest. Negan slowed their pace, no longer biting and demanding. He licked gently over his bottom lip then sucked it into his mouth. Out of breath, Carl opened his mouth and let Negan nip from his lip to the side of his neck. He moaned as Negan trailed bites to his ear.  

Without thinking, Carl placed his hand on Negan’s hip and massaged his way up his side. Carl knew Negan was lean but he was surprised to feel the ribs along his side. Bringing his hand back down, he used his thumb to rub between the elastic of Negan’s boxers, waiting with baited breath.

It’s not like they hadn’t had sex before but it was the first time they really touched each other with _real_ intimacy. Reverent and gentle, Carl knew _this_ was different from before. He hadn’t been this nervous in the past. Before he had the constant thought nagging him to do it. He didn’t have a choice. It was his way to help his people. But Carl could no longer hide behind that excuse and Negan saw through it anyway.

Negan pulled himself away from Carl’s neck and for a brief moment Carl’s heart dropped in a panic. But Negan moved to the side and kicked off his remaining clothes. Carl was frozen, knowing he should do the same but his arms were heavy. Too heavy to lift himself.

Carl bit his lip as he watched Negan sit up on his knees, fully admiring Negan’s broad shoulders, lithe figure, and the way he looked at Carl. Adoration pouring from Negan’s eyes finally made Carl feel brave enough to kick off his own boxers as well.

Negan wasn’t shy as he moved to straddle Carl’s hips. Carl felt the warmth of his toned body radiate into him. Flushing, Carl’s stomach lurched, as he waited for Negan to do something. Anything.

Clearing his throat, Carl scratched, “Hurry up.” All bite missing from the demand, Carl wiggled uncomfortably underneath him.

“No,” Negan said simply.

Carl scoffed quietly, “Why are you such a dick?”

Smiling wide, flashing his dimples, Negan leaned down over Carl. His fingers traced their way to Carl’s dick as Negan’s lips brushed the side of his ear. Carl shivered feeling the warmth wash over his body.

As Negan’s hand wrapped tenderly around him, he breathed, “I want to fuck you so hard that when your ass clenches tight around me you’ll feel my dick pulse as I pump you full of my come.”

Trembling as he felt the warmth of Negan’s tongue along his neck, Carl could barely whisper, “So why aren’t you already?”

Carl shook as Negan laughed over him, lowering his chest onto him with a pressure that he never wanted to let up. With his eye closed tight, he gasped as he felt Negan’s dick twitch next to his, trapped beneath the weight of the man on top of him. Tilting his head back, arching into the pressure, Carl paced his shallow breaths, working through the sensations of so much skin sliding against his own. Burning skin that he should never have allowed there in the first place.

He was leaking and hard and couldn’t help as he writhed beneath Negan searching for friction. For anything. He just needed relief. Unfledged from all the stimulation, his pulse wouldn’t slow with each slight movement from Negan.

Negan lifted from him to move his hair to the side to look. Studying his wound, “Look at me,” Negan demanded.

Carl opened his eye to meet the intense gaze of Negan peering at his wounded socket. The unadulterated carnality of Negan’s stare shook Carl to the core.

With tender curiosity, Negan brushed the pad of his fingers against the thick scarred skin.

Fighting to choke back the burning behind his eye, Carl breathed uneasy with each touch.

“You know how fuckin’ _arousing_ this is?”

Carl closed his eye and focused on the light sensation to Negan’s touch.

“You walk around with this pissed off look on your face and this half ass bandage, but shit, the _fear_ you could strike into people if you’d just give ‘em a glance… you don’t even know what kind of power you could have.”

“I don’t _want_ to scare people,” Carl sighed. “I’m not like you.”

Negan chuckled as his fingers traced over the scars, “You goddamn _know_ you are.”

Carl could feel his erection wilting as his stomach sunk at Negan’s acknowledgment.

Negan could feel his sudden disinterest, “Right. We’ll come back to this later.”

Adjusting again, Negan leaned in to kiss Carl, languidly mapping his mouth. The only resistance Carl could grasp to was the fleeting moan against his tongue. His fingers tightened around Negan’s hips, possessive marks carving half moon crescents into his skin. Needing to hold on to something to calm the itching floating feeling in his mind.

Cool air blew softly against the skin of his abdomen as Negan lifted his slick sweat body away from Carl. Groaning at the loss of Negan’s mouth from his, Carl watched carefully as Negan shifted to lick and bite his scorching tongue along the hard outline of his collarbone. Dropping his head back hard against the mattress, Carl focused on each lick of praise as Negan sucked hard and bruising marks into his skin. Feeling lips trail lower, teeth scratching their way to the pebble of his nipple. Sharp inhalation of surprise escaped his lips as Negan sucked hard. Lightning sent straight to his dick making him tremble beneath Negan. He wanted to be forever in that moment, hard, and warm, and worshiped.

Barely noticing the way Negan’s hand found his other nipple, Carl held his eye tight, throwing an arm over his face as if the sensation was too much. It _was_ too much. His cock was throbbing and leaking and he was torn, just wanting Negan to fuck him already but dreading that he’d stop what he was doing.

Just as he let a moan escape from his racing chest, Negan licked a wet trail pausing briefly at his bellybutton before finally reaching his dick. Carl swore as Negan wrapped his hand tight at the base of his cock and enveloped Carl. Searing, tight and wet, Carl hissed at the sudden wave of sensation. He was minutely aware of Negan’s pure adoration of his entire body and Carl could do nothing but tremble with each turn of his wrist and pull of his lips, popping around the head of his dick and then bobbing in for more.

Panting and arching into Negan’s mouth, Carl didn’t understand how he came to be here. The decisions made from seemingly impossible choices which lead him there to  _that_ moment. To the man responsible for every facet of so many lives, salaciously praying devotion to _his_ body. To his disfigured eye. To his age. To his wit. To _him._

He knew it was ill conceived to house any unrealistic fantasies in his mind, but he couldn’t help the feeling of his heart tightening in his chest with each stroke of Negan’s firm grip. He hated him. He _hated_ him. He shuddered as Negan rubbed with intention behind his balls.

“Do it, come on, Negan. Do it,” his voice sounded unlike his own but he didn’t care as he began rocking back into Negan’s finger.

Chuckling, Negan adjusted himself between Carl’s legs, which he spread for him willingly. Negan grabbed his hips and tilted him up. Before he was aware of what was happening, Negan's tongue lapped over his hole.

“ _Shit,_ ” Carl’s body trembled at the overwhelming sensation, like bullets fired in the night, dangerous and sparking flashes beneath his eye.

Negan’s tongue breached him and Carl felt the sting of a finger stretch him open. Carl rocked onto his tongue or finger or whatever the hell Negan was doing to him. He couldn’t stop. He could never stop.

A burning familiar pull meant that Negan was using another finger, but he lapped his warm tongue around any pain. When Negan crooked his finger just right, Carl arched his back on reflex. His chest was rising and falling and when Negan did it again he couldn’t even be mad at him for laughing.

Before he realized it, Negan had his mouth wrapped around his dick once more, sucking gently, letting Carl thrust into him with each scratch of Negan’s finger inside him. He didn’t know how long Negan was fucking him with his hand before Carl’s voice cracked, “I’m gonna- Stop. You have to-”

Negan laughed pulling away from him and Carl whimpered at the cold removal of the source of his bliss.

Watching as Negan leaned back to grab a bottle, squeezing it into his hand, he smiled “You know how goddamn long I’ve been waiting for this?”

Carl’s breath hitched as Negan coated his dick with lube. Suddenly his hand moved, coating Carl’s ass with the cold wetness. He jumped at the still tender nerves.

Tracing his own fingers down his body, Carl held tight at the base of his dick. “Negan,” Carl pleaded.

“Shit,” he sighed back, aligning his cock to Carl.

Carl watched him with a curious amazement as Negan smiled at him. An honest one, he hoped.

“Come on. Come on,” Carl whined, trying to reach for Negan to come closer.

Obliging him, Negan pushed in, smooth and slowly. Not like any of the times before.

Carl exhaled as sweat burned against his forehead, despite the shiver running teasingly down his spine.

Negan pushed in and Carl moaned at the sensation of feeling so full. His mind ran rampant with thoughts of how he should be fighting it. Worrying that somehow his dad may find out and he’d have no excuse good enough. There _was_ no excuse. Carl _wanted_ it. He wanted it so damn bad as he was quickly reminded with a swift thrust from Negan.

Carl focused on each languid push that Negan drove into him, making him breathe heavily with his mouth relaxed open gasping out puffs. He felt the grip tight on his hips, burning and bruising into his skin. Hoping for a lasting mark to reminder the night.

Trailing his fingers over Negan’s hands, his heart skipped when he accidentally touched them as Negan hit inside just right. Electricity, dark waves making him dizzy, making him fall in his mind. He grabbed tight to Negan’s fingers before finding the intended target of his dick. He began to pump, stroking and pulling at the pace of his beating heart. Opening his eyes, he met Negan’s. Smirking, his low lidded eyes studied over Carl, lasciviously roaming with only minor arrogance twinkling behind them.

It was at that moment Carl heard Negan speak.

“I’m gonna take that camera I got and record you taking my cock, so you can see how fuckin’ shameless you look. Layin’ there so goddamn obscenely pornagraphic. Writhing on the fuckin’ bed. _Begging_ for it. Hell, we’re gonna make ourselves a video, _then_ we’re gonna fuck watching it. My dick is sliding in you and I already can’t fuckin’ wait until the next time you get it wet. Shit,” Negan sighed out of breath.

Carl held tight at the base of his cock. But he couldn’t hold back as Negan pummeled into him, hard and rough and perfect. His ass was raw and all he wanted was to feel that tight burn forever.

“Shit! Shit!” Carl gasped as he rubbed the tip of his dick, spewing small rivers of white across his chest which pooled onto his stomach. He collapsed in exhaustion, shivering with each recklessly unrelenting drive into him as Negan kept going.

Opening his eye, Carl watched as Negan stared into him. He saw Negan bite his lip and come with a shudder deep inside him. With a few careless thrusts, Negan finally pulled out from him and collapsed next to Carl on the bed.

“Fuck,” Negan sighed, catching his breath.

Carl lay staring at the ceiling of the truck, enjoying the sound of their breathing mingling softly around them. He fought the niggling fear telling him to get up, get clothes on, go home. The regret that tried to needle it’s way in, he swallowed down. Waiting. Just for a moment of peace. A single second to savor just this one night. 

“Stop it,” Negan scratched.

“I’m not doing anything,” Carl replied quickly.

“You’re fuckin’ it up by thinkin’ about it. We’ve been through this and we’re not hashing it out again.”

Snorting, Carl shook his head and reluctantly smiled.

“Not so goddamn bad, huh?” Negan nudged.

Carl couldn’t open his eye to meet him but he agreed, “Wasn’t so bad.”

“‘Wasn’t so bad’? Fuck you,” Negan laughed.

“Think you just did,” Carl smirked, “I don’t think my ass is up for round two, though.”

“You okay? Not bleedin’ are you?”

“No,” Carl rubbed his face, remembering that his bandage was still off. He sat to look for it. He spotted it at the far end of the truck but as he moved he could feel the wet mixture of lube and come slowly try to leak its way out.

Negan threw a towel at him and laughed.

Carl turned to the side, grateful for something other than his shirt to clean up with. When he was done he quickly pulled his clothes on and walked over to his bandage. When he turned back he was surprised to find Negan sitting on the mattress with his pants on, watching Carl carefully.

“Come ‘ere,” he demanded.

Wanting to add a smartass remark, Carl bit his tongue as he did what he was told, fumbling with the bandage in his hand.

Negan pulled him down, nearly in his lap, and grabbed on tight to the back of his head pulling it in to meet his lips.

Carl immediately opened his mouth and dropped his makeshift eye patch. His fingers scratched at Negan’s chest as Negan sucked his tongue into his mouth where he could taste the familiar taste of Negan and himself on his mouth. Moaning again into him, he whimpered as Negan pulled his head back and smiled at him.

Reluctantly, Carl looked him in the eye as Negan lifted the bandage and rewrapped his eye.

“Come on, kid. Time to get you home,” Negan bumped into his shoulder then stood walked out of the back of the truck. "We'll work on your stamina next time."

Carl took a deep breath and followed, hoping that what he had done with Negan wouldn’t make it’s own way back to Alexandria.


End file.
